Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
