we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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