yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
