It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
