Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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