HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No subtext here. People are naked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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