Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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