so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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