Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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