fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
