It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
