she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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