i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
