Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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