So drunk its hurt
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
