the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
