wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
