She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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