just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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