never play flip cup with pint glasses
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
