he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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