I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
