i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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