I bet he comes in French.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
