So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How's work?
Spinning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
