At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
