I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
