you traded sex for a burrito?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
