i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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