you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
