The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
