her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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