I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
