The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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