Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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