we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
