My girlfriend figured out who you are.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
