i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
