The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
