these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
