and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
