You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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