I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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