I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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