Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
