yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
