If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize