Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
