I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
