Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
