she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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