I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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