had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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