Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I think my vagina is haunted
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
