it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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