I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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