i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
