Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
