I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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