i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
