small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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