I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
