I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
