Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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