You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
