dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
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he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We left an ass print on the piano.
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So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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