You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
