This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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