Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
