i don't like sucking hair
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
