well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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