I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
