I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
