Im at strip club and am horny
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
