she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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